#43 Finding the middle...

I have lots of thoughts bubbling around in my head as a I type this- my goal is to put a few of them into complete sentences that make some sense (hopefully) and invite you to juggle with the concepts and see where they fall for you. 

The further I get on this journey of understanding horses and improving myself for them, the more I find there are truths everywhere.

What I mean by this is, one person can share that they're working on being softer in communicating with their horse- that they feel that their horse responds better to this- so true!! And then another person will say that they are needing to find a firmness, to set clear boundaries with their horse to stay safe and understood- so true!! But if either of those people make a rule out of what they're doing- they're missing a HUGE piece of the puzzle (in my opinion).

Sometimes in growth and taking on new understandings, the pendulum of our beliefs can take some sharp swings. I think this is a normal part of the learning process. For the person who is striving to present things more softly, more subtly- they might swing too far in that direction for a while in order to make the changes in themselves. Same goes with the person wanting to set clear boundaries. 

Where I have gone off the rails along my journey is when rules start to set in and I'm forever grateful to the horses I've come into contact with that cause me to break the rules in search of a way to reach them. 

An example of one of these horses...

When I first started working with Suede (you may know him)...

Side note: For those who don't know him, he's a project horse I took on a couple of years ago who ended up joining my herd permanently. He was super sensitive to humans and didn't trust that they've had his back. As a learner with people, he was really unconfident. As a learner on his own- he's so curious, ready to be the first to check out a change in the environment. He's taught me so much and I look forward to this trend continuing for many years to come. 

When I first started with him, staying super consistent, clear and as soft as I could be allowed him to stay curious and to relax. I stuck with this combination until he was relaxed with most things I asked- BUT if my energy changed, if my speed changed- LOOK OUT! I started slowly and consistently upping the game in this department. I was proud of the progress we made- until a fateful day where I made a serious of mistakes that ended with a big burst of energy from both of us... and a fractured vertebrae on my part. More about that story here. 

One of the lessons I learned that pertains to the idea of not getting stuck in any one way of doing things, is that SLOW and CONSISTENT had been a wonderful way to help him build trust and learn with me BUT I needed to help him understand changes that came on FAST and RANDOMLY. 

I'm finding that the best answers are flexible and sit somewhere in the middle. Lightness is something for all of us to strive for, but we need to prepare our horses for loudness and quick changes. Having our horse come to us with positivity and find comfort near us is great, but we also need to be able to set clear firm boundaries and have our horse find comfort there too. 

I think our best teachers are our horses. Watching them in the herd- how boundaries are set and lightness in communication exists all without resentment, frustration, guilt, shame, and the other human challenges that can accompany our growth and stretching. I think this has been the key for me- can I do these things with and for my horses. Can I be firm and clear with an encouraging feeling instead of one of frustration or doubt. Can I be light and clear and help my horse find the answer and be willing to change in order to help them be clear. 

I LOVE this quote from Tom Dorrance- it encapsulates all the thoughts bubbling around in my head... "There is not mysticism, no magic, or only one method in the realm of good horsemanship... It's knowing that everything you think you know about horsemanship may change with the next horse." 

I have to remind myself occasionally to stay flexible- that there are many ways to communicate with horses- rules aren't helpful- they limit me and keep me from being the best I can for each horse I encounter... 

How about you? I'd love to hear your thoughts! You can share them in our new private Facebook group or shoot me an email.